What do you do when the life you became accustomed to suddenly disappears in front of you, like water slipping through your hands? This is the reality I have been living for a little over a year.
I have kept much of my struggle to myself and a small circle of people.
The day I went into labor, I knew things would never be the same. New fears, excitement, insecurities, vulnerabilities, joys, highs, and lows rushed at me all at once while my body prepared to bring a tiny human into the world.
The moment we brought him home, our focus became keeping him safe and giving him all the love — and everything else he needed — not just to survive, but hopefully to thrive in the environment we had prepared before his arrival.
Our son is now one.
When I look at his cute little face, see another set of teeth coming in, and hear his laugh, I know we’re doing something right. Every day brings new achievements and a renewed sense of love and dedication.
You might be thinking, “Okay — you’re a parent. Many of us are. This is nothing new.”
And you’re right — it isn’t. Parenthood is a journey people embark on every single day.
What I wasn’t expecting was that, while learning how to be a parent, I would have to return to school to earn a school counseling teaching certificate in an effort to stay employed, live through a floor renovation sprung on us by a surprise leak in our floors, and deal with a layoff — all within months of each other.
Then, after the flooring was complete, – the floors buckled… Within a week we discovered the culprit was a crack in the slab, requiring poly injections into the floors. More repairs, more money, more time, more inconvenience. All while I started preparing for two intensive four-week courses and transitioning out of a job I thought would still be there for me when I returned from maternity leave.
So, when a coworker asked, “are you alright?” and I said, “yes” and then they said, “are you sure?” with all knowing look, it took everything in me not to break down.
It’s a lot. That’s why I’m talking about it.
This situation is not unique to me.
During times of high stress — when you still have to perform for both your livelihood and your family — it can be hard to find that proverbial “light.” What I am learning during this season of my life is that I will have to be that light for myself.
As an author I follow says:
No one is coming to save you.
Tonee b. shelton
Let that sink in.
No. One. Is. Coming. To. Save. You.
So, you have to save yourself.
That’s exactly what I intend to do.
Nova.Skye
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